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Should female entrepreneurs hide the fact that they’re mothers?

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Working mother

There is still the perception that business is a man’s world. I would maybe say that it’s a “man-style world,” i.e. women are welcome as long as they act like men. From conversations with other women who run their own businesses, I see that many feel very self-conscious about being women in what they see as “a man’s world.” Some make efforts to suppress or hide signs of femininity, and try to blend in with the men around them.

As a result, many women will also never discuss the fact they are mothers, and will even go to lengths to hide that fact. This is understandable, since people often hesitate to work with mothers since they see them as unreliable. They worry about sick days, the inability to work long hours because they have to be home for their kids, etc.

But is it really necessary to hide the fact that you are a mother? Will it negatively impact on your ability to grow your business and win clients?

I don’t think women should hide their motherhood, and I even think that hiding it could be detrimental. But I do think that there are certain steps that need to be taken in order to succeed as a working mother:

  1. You don’t have to volunteer the information: When meeting with potential clients, you don’t have to tell them right off the bat that you are a mother. It’s not relevant, and has nothing to do with what you are discussing, just like they aren’t telling you about their personal life. But don’t hide it. Often, once business is aside, friendly chit-chat ensues and you’ll start discussing more personal issues with the client, i.e. how long have you been doing this? where do you live? do you have kids? etc. Be confident and proud of the fact that you have kids. It shows you have a life outside of work, and believe me, you’re not the only one.
  2. Always remain professional: It’s nice that you have kids, and the client may even think so too. But at the end of the day, the work has to get done. No one cares if your kid is sick or has a class party. If you want to be a working mother, you need to figure out ways to make sure that you have your bases covered for any eventualities. Of course, there are some parental situations that simply can’t be overcome, but your clients will generally understand in those cases – they’re human beings too! So if you want to go to that class party (and you should!) make sure to work overtime the day before so that you can free up that time.
  3. Be confident in your abilities: If you are confident in your abilities, this will come across to the client and they in turn will feel confidence in their choice to hire you. If you feel self-conscious about the fact that you’re a mother, and you’re trying to hide it, this will come across.

I know a businesswoman who for years has been hiding the fact that she is a mother. She wouldn’t discuss it with clients or any business colleagues, even though she is proud of her kids. About two weeks ago she joined Facebook and opened a profile. At first she wouldn’t mention her kids or family, but after a few days she uploaded pictures of her kids to her profile. Not only did this not adversely affect her, but someone she knew found her on Facebook and contacted her about business – despite that fact that she obviously had kids!

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Miriam Schwab on July 10, 2007 • Category Small Business • Tags: , , Comments (9)

9 Responses to “Should female entrepreneurs hide the fact that they’re mothers?”

  • Comment by Julie Lenzer Kirk on Jul 11 2007 at 4:30 pm

    Thank you for this post! I had a problem finding successful entrepreneurs who are also parents because, as you say, so many people hide that fact. I agree that they should NOT hide it, and recently published a book for moms and dads that shows WHY you should not hide that fact.

    I do like the steps you’ve provided because at the end of the day, parenting should not be an excuse for shoddy workmanship but if you do it right, it can give you an EDGE in business!

    Julie Lenzer Kirk
    Author, “The ParentPreneur Edge: What Parenting Teaches About Building a Successful Business” (John Wiley & Sons)

  • Comment by Miriam Schwab on Jul 11 2007 at 7:43 pm

    Julie – thanks for your comment! It’s interesting what you say, since I never actually thought of parenthood as an advantage in business. The reason that I see parenthood as positive in business is because it is a sign of balance in life – it means you aren’t working only for the sake of working, but for the sake of others. But seeing at as an edge – well that’s a new idea for me, and I like it!

    Thanks again for your insight, and your book looks interesting!

  • Comment by Bill Dueease on Jul 13 2007 at 10:01 pm

    First, I wholly support your position of “I don’t think women should hide their motherhood, and I even think that hiding it could be detrimental. “ I also commend you on the three steps you present.

    But, I believe that you have left off one other major ingredient that mothers who are entrepreneurs (and in essence all entrepreneurs) must follow to succeed. Entrepreneurial mothers want to create their own business to suit their own personal vision, their own personal values, their own personal priorities, and their own personal passions so they do it their own unique way. Business owners (Entrepreneurs) are the bosses. Period. Their business will only succeed if the owners are thriving personally while performing on the business and in their other lives. As the owner (the head) goes, so goes the business. (The body)

    Thus mothers, women, and in fact all business owners have the power (as the boss) have the right (as the boss) and have the obligation (as the head) to create their business to suit them, the owners. So mother business owners will only succeed if the do it their way to suit their passions, to suit their priorities, to suit their talents, and to suit their beliefs and values. Walla! Mothers who design their businesses under their own rules will succeed, and they will enjoy the aspects of motherhood they want to thrive in simultaneously. If that means incorporating their motherhood and their family into the business on their terms, then they will enjoy both at the same time.

  • Comment by Miriam Schwab on Jul 15 2007 at 11:44 am

    Hi Bill – thanks for your very valuable input! What you say has a lot of truth in it. You can’t succeed in something if it’s going against your life principles. I chose to start my own business so that I could work in a way that is compatible with being the mother of five kids. I needed flexibility and to be my own boss, since I knew that I would be the most understanding boss of my circumstances I could ever find. Thankfully I have achieved these goals in my current working conditions.

    But I do think that at the same time we have to work according to the conventions of the business world in which we are active. Since many of my clients are hi-tech software companies and start-ups, they are under a lot of pressure and don’t want to hear about my kids – they want the work done. And I think that if you choose to work in a high-pressure environment, you’ve got to take that into account in your work as well.

  • Comment by Bill Dueease on Jul 15 2007 at 8:35 pm

    Miriam,

    The way you created your business is proof that success comes because you did it your way. Congratulations!

    What you discuss with your customers will certainly have a lot to do with the nature of your customers. Hi-tech people almost always focus entirely on the technical details of their work and rarely have much interest in any personal subjects. You are very right that they are only interested in results and rarely your family life.

    But if your customers were mothers considering buying your special automobile baby safety device, then discussing motherhood would be a natural and enlightened subject for discussion. Or if you had designed a portable web camera to monitor the activities of babies for mothers, even though it is a technical device, I bet talking about motherhood issues might come up.

    Bill

  • Comment by Tera Leaman on Aug 30 2007 at 6:16 am

    Long time reader – first time poster.
    Oh my gosh you guys I don’t know if you’ve heard of “”conversations with miollionaires”" but I just found out Jason Oman who did that book is going to be doing a new one for female entrepreneurs like us. Here’s the page I came across so you can get updates about it too.
    conversationswithfemalemillionaires.com
    I can’t wait for it because I loved his first book. I hear he’s gonna have Martha Stewart, Ray Rachel, Kim Kiyosaki the wife of the guy from rich dad poor dad.
    You can obtain more info at http://www.conversationswithfemalemillionaires.com

  • Comment by Miriam Schwab on Aug 30 2007 at 9:49 am

    Hi Tera,

    Thanks for the heads-up about the book. It looks interesting!

    And especially thanks for the comment – it’s great to meet my readers and know there are real people out there listening…

  • Pingback by Interview with author of The ParentPreneur Edge: parents have an edge in business » illuminea blog on Sep 03 2007 at 5:38 am

    [...] A few months ago, I wrote a post about whether female entrepreneurs should hide the fact that they are mothers, and was lucky to get a comment from Julie Lenzer Kirk, author of “The ParentPreneur Edge: What Parenting Teaches About Building a Successful Business.” She said the following: Thank you for this post! I had a problem finding successful entrepreneurs who are also parents because, as you say, so many people hide that fact. I agree that they should NOT hide it, and recently published a book for moms and dads that shows WHY you should not hide that fact. [...]

  • Pingback by Wearable Stories » Interview with author of The ParentPreneur Edge: parents have an edge in business on Sep 09 2007 at 11:44 am

    [...] A few months ago, I wrote a post about whether female entrepreneurs should hide the fact that they are mothers, and was lucky to get a comment from Julie Lenzer Kirk, author of “The ParentPreneur Edge: What Parenting Teaches About Building a Successful Business.” She said the following: Thank you for this post! I had a problem finding successful entrepreneurs who are also parents because, as you say, so many people hide that fact. I agree that they should NOT hide it, and recently published a book for moms and dads that shows WHY you should not hide that fact. [...]

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